September 15, 2006

Move Along

Hello,

This blog is no longer updated, but the author continues to post excessively at http://hotscot.blogspot.com.

July 28, 2006

Conversations With Greatness XC

July 27, 2006

Life Is Always Sweeter In Bullet Form

•My iMac arrived from its transatlantic odyssey this morning— safe, sound, and, I can only assume, severely jetlagged. Hooray!

•It turns out that when my boss was telling me my co-supervisor's name the other day, he wasn't saying "Tom R. Jones", but rather "Tom Arr-Jones". So all my carefully planned gags were for naught. Boo!

•My professor got in touch to ask where to send the money. Hooray!

•He has since failed to respond to further emails. Boo!

•I love my job! Hooray!

•I'm hungry. Boo!

•I did a cup-o-tea-buying run for the other box office staff today, and my boss (who delights in making hilariously inappropriate innuendoes) walked in just as I was asking one of the girls if she wanted the teabag in or out. Ha!

July 26, 2006

Milestones In Blogging, #45541

From Newsvine: Lance Bass of 'NSync Reveals He's Gay

'Yeah,' you might well be thinking. 'So what? Why should I care?'

In fact, this story is a momentous one, though not for the celebrity tattle contained in the above headline; rather, said headline caused a ripple effect throughout the blogosphere, pushing sarcasm levels to an unprecedented one hundred percent. The sentiment expressed on hipster4227.blogspot.com was typical, with the site's author saying:

"So Lance Bass is gay, huh? What startling revelation will come next? Michael Jackson likes kids?"

The blogging team over at www.the-sarchasm.net, meanwhile, collaborated to produce a crude, interactive Flash game entitled the "Tell-Us-Something-We-Don't-Know-otron"; and several MySpace blogs were updated with entries along the lines of "LOL wot a surprize!"

As the story spread, sarcasm levels continued to rise, as illustrated below, in Figure A:



At hour zero, sarcasm levels are at a healthy (and fairly normal for a midweek morning) forty percent. These levels inch up slowly as the story is picked up by a few initial sites, and then begin to climb rapidly following coverage by several influential blogs. They level out around ninety-eight percent for a few hours, briefly reaching total blogosphere sarcasm saturation. However, at these levels the sarcasm:sincerity ratio approaches infinity, and it is no longer possible to actually be any more sarcastic— the universe self-corrects and levels begin to fall again.

Levels of meta-sarcasm in the blogosphere also spiked by a comparable amount, but obviously cannot be shown in the same graph.

Interestingly, if we look at the curve of Figure A in a broader context, we can see it reflects the internet's cynicism in more ways than one:



Wa-wa.

July 24, 2006

Want A Raisin? How About An Update?

I have now been "living" (snicker) in Britain for two-and-a-half days. Mostly I've spent it in a boozy, jetlagged daze, and doing much the same things that I always do when I'm home: Fopp (my default music store), Assembly (my default bar), and running into people from high school without any effort whatsoever.

I've also upgraded my mobile phone to a contract, thus bagging myself a free Razr, and found out more about my Fringe job: I'll be working at the venue's main box office (a huge relief, as I was afraid I would be stuck out at one of the quieter, satellite box offices), and my co-assistant manger will be named...

Tom R. Jones!

Tom Jones! Now, you might think that's a bit of a coincidence, but, in fact, it's not unusual.

He is going to hate me by the end of the month. I have already planned out a good week's worth of Tom Jones gags (instead of "good morning": "What's new, pussycat"?; instead of "Gosh, it's busy today": "My, my, my... De-line-up!"; I'm also considering investing in some women's underwear to throw at him when he walks through the door).

I start tomorrow morning, and am going to spend the week assembling, cleaning, and painting the venue (until Sunday, when my underlings arrive and I will get them to do it all for me).

On Saturday, my mum's throwing me a welcome back party, which she has very poshly decided to get catered by the neighbourhood's Thai restaurant. She even sent out actual invitations to people, which rather embarrassingly say something like:

"Please join us in celebrating the return of Andrew Ladd (B.A., McGill)."

Embarrassing, because, um, hello? I have a B.A. Hons. Jeez.

July 23, 2006

Laglustre

I'm officially renaming my blog in August, but in the meantime this new title graphic seemed appropriate. Thank you to everyone who turned up to see me off on Thursday night— you did a swell job finishing off all my booze before I left— and extra special thank yous to Chris, Dan, Maryam and Ken for their collaborative efforts to get me to the airport on Friday.

Um... That is all. I'm off to investigate reports that a Starbucks has opened round the corner from my flat.

July 21, 2006

Conversations With Greatness LXXXIX