April 26, 2004

By Popular Request...

. . . Deep and Personal Insight Into Me!

I was born in Britain, in what is now considered (I'm told) the place to be if you're young and homosexual. What this proves, I'm not entirely sure, but I'll bet it's very offensive.

I spent most of my life as a precocious young Ladd, happily skipping through the streets of Edinburgh. With my fanatic interest in Star Trek and startlingly ridiculous haircut, my popularity at school was (as you might expect) unbearable, and I responded in kind-- during my final year of primary school, the girl who sat next to me in class was awarded almost thirty identical compliments in a class survey: "Good at putting up with Andrew".

My secondary education began in much the same way, albeit involving the added complication of a maroon blazer. Then, in my third of six years, I discovered a whole realm of humour outside the timeless and classic fart joke, and the transformation was remarkable. Masturbation jokes: you changed my life.

By the end of secondary school I had gone from chubby and shy to thin and skanky. Under the combined guidance of Underage Drinking and Bad Club Music, I had been labelled a cocksure and shameless sexual predator, and I responded in kind-- during my final year the girl I sat next to in the common room was awarded several identical comments in her yearbook: "Good at not going out with Andrew".

From there I moved to Boston, where I attended Emerson College, whose charming unofficial student motto is: "Gay in four years or your money back". I transferred out after two, which I suppose must make me a bisexual.

Now, after twenty years, I am an opinionated and adroit sociology major with a penchant for using French mots justes in my writing. I enjoy puns, bananas, and telling lies in my blog.

Oh, and I think your sister is hot.

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