April 18, 2004

The Stuff Bad eMail Forwards Are Made Of

In a little over one week, I will have officially completed my first year at what is arguably one of the finest educational institutions ever to have been founded by a Scottish fur trader. And, because everybody knows that an ability to make lists demonstrates intelligence almost as reliably as an ability to use a highlighter, I thought I would go over some of the profound knowledge I've gained in the past eight months.

1. Identical twins freak me the f*ck out (see what I mean about profound knowledge? This stuff is deep).

2. Oh, that's what that's for!

3. People take you more seriously if you're not wearing a silly hat.

4. Putting together Ikea furniture is simple: just follow the instructions exactly, and all the pieces will slide together neatly and easily. If not, you've probably done something wrong. Like buy furniture from Ikea. (Whoa, ZING! Take that, Ikea!)

5. When you write a blog about the interesting things you hear and do, it is extraordinarily hard to make stimulating conversation with somebody who reads your blog without worrying that you're repeating yourself.

6. If you take away the Parisien accent, Francophones really don't sound that smug, after all.

7. I'm not entirely sure why I used to enjoy Star Trek so much.

8. Disliking Quentin Tarantino really does stunt your social life.

9. No matter how hard you try, you just can't stop doing this to yourself.

10. If you have a class with somebody who frequently makes inappropriate sexual remarks to you, pretty much the worst thing you can do is turn up with a banana in your pocket.

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