June 01, 2004

Control Me, Episode One

The challenge, issued by an anonymous Ken well-wisher, was as follows:

1. Go to end of Rainbow
2. Find pot-o-gold
3. Fedex pot of gold to ken
4. Report back on feelings of contentment/fight with leprechaun.

# posted by Anonymous : 00:14

1. I wasn't about to wait around for a rainbow to just appear (although it's the Gay and Lesbian Film Festival in Toronto right now, so I probably wouldn't have had to wait for too long). A quick search on Google revealed that a Rainbow was easily reachable by subway (my God, is there anything the TTC can't do?), so the first chance I had, I hopped a train down to Union station-- from which the Rainbow was only a five minute walk:

Of course, this Rainbow did present some problems: namely, that it's conceptually a little tricky to specify where "the end" of a building is (since, strictly speaking, it 'ends' in every direction). Lacking any further guidance, I decided to go round to the back of the building to see what I could find.

2. Success! At the back of the Rainbow was a Dominion Supermarket, and a cursory look in its aisles yielded-- sure enough-- a pot of (African) Gold, pictured below:

There didn't seem to be any leprechaun guarding it (Dominion's been laying off staff, I expect), and the black woman at the cash register was quite happy to part with it . . . Although, upon seeing me (with my straight, white-boy hair) buying a pot of coconut oil hair conditioner, she did raise her eyebrow to the point where it had all but disappeared beyond her hairline (disappointingly, though, she didn't snap her fingers and say "Oh no you di'nt"; Deliver Us From Eva is wholly inaccurate!).

3. The FedEx website confirmed what I had feared from the start: FedExing the pot of gold to Ken would be both prohibitively expensive and logistically challenging. Instead, I opted for the good old-fashioned Postes Canada Post, and took another subway to Bloor and Yonge. This was a somewhat naive move, as it turned out; I expected (not unreasonably, I thought) that in the throbbing heart of a city that haughtily presumes itself the Centre of the Universe, there would be a glut of Post Offices awaiting my custom. It was not so.

I wandered aimlessly for fifteen minutes in my search, before stopping in a convenience store to ask directions. The woman at the counter said, immediately:

"Post Office? A couple of blocks down." She then added, brightly, "Next to YMCA!" (as if somebody like me would know exactly where the YMCA was-- the implication of which I'm not sure I liked).

As it happens, I found the YMCA fairly easily. But there was nary a Post Office to be found. Frustrated, I caught another subway back home and walked to the Post Office that had been a fifteen-minute walk away the whole time.

(On a side note, what kind of world are we living in when a person can pass EIGHT Starbuckses, and not a SINGLE Post Office?)

4. The package sent, I returned home to tackle the last part of the challenge. As I explained, there had been no leprechaun to fight with-- but on my way back from the rainbow I had passed an Irish pub, so I glared through the windows for good measure. This was surprisingly satisfying.

As, indeed, was the challenge as a whole. I became acquainted with a new and charming area of Toronto, spent several hours in the sun, got some much-needed exercise, and (best of all) gave a kindly black cashier a cute little anecdote to tell at parties. Hoorah!


At 2/6/04 20:58, Blogger Jan said...

i have to say i am impressed... and here i thought you were just trying to be funny... well done!

cheers :)


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