October 19, 2004

Just Carry a Damn Purse, Already!

From Netscape Men: Ten Things Stylish Men Keep in Their Wallets

"Matches. Channel your inner Humphrey Bogart." Get divorced a bunch of times? I'm not really sure what that has to do with matches.

"Toothpick." Um... You know you're supposed to put toothpicks in your mouth, right? Do you really want something you put in your mouth to spend the whole day next to your ass?

"Safety Pin." Come on, is this ten things stylish men keep in their wallets, or ten things that MacGyver keeps in his wallet?

"Business card from a local florist." For if the matches don't impress her.

"Library card." Nothing says 'style' like the library!

"$100 bill. A $100 bill is a reminder that you don't deal in change." So let's hope you don't have to break that hundred on toothpicks.

"Restaurant recommendations. A stylish man knows his way around town." Then shouldn't he just know where the good restaurants are, instead of having to carry their names around in his wallet?

"Mint . . . Good breath is as important as vocabulary. If you don't have it, you have nothing." NOTHING! Bad breath annuls all else! Bow to the power of bad breath! BOW!

"Driver's license. No matter how you look at it, a bicycle just isn't going to cut it." Plus, come on-- how would you ever get a bicycle in your wallet?

"A picture of parents." Or, failing that, a wallet-sized version of that 'American Gothic' painting.

What's with the internet getting all 'queer-eyed' up?

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