November 02, 2004

11:45am

From Netscape News:

President Bush cast his vote in today's election near his ranch in Texas, early this morning. Surprisingly, he voted for Libertarian candidate Mike Badnarik. Said the President of his choice: "I just loved that guy in the Sonic the Hedgehog games."

Discussing the importance of today's polling, Bush seemed calm: "This election is in the hands of the people, and I feel very comfortable about that." After a moment of confusion, the President clarified: "Oh, I'm sorry-- did I say the people? I meant my people." He then chuckled nervously.

Meanwhile, Bush's main opponent, Mass. senator John Kerry, was still trying his hand at last minute campaigning in Wisconsin. "We're going to take America to a better place,'' he pledged to voters; "Canada."

As polling got started early this morning, long lines at polling stations were reported across the country. When asked for comment, one excited voter remarked: "I hear the first one hundred people to vote get to see Britney topless!"

Kerry expressed delight at the huge voter turnout, saying: "It's just a magical kind of day." On-the-spot polls are already indicating the remark has cost Kerry support among the cynically snorting college student demographic.

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