November 16, 2004

Annals of Alarmist Parenting, Part 1

Today, some parenting 'advice' from Jan Faull, MEd (taken from

Q. My 15-year-old daughter has been dating an older boy from another school for about 6 months. Both my wife and I like the boyfriend, and of course we trust our daughter, who has always been responsible and outgoing. However, they are extremely affectionate around each other, constantly holding hands and often kissing and hugging."

Surely not!

"And my daughter has recently begun to wear shorter skirts and more revealing shirts."

The slut!

" . . . How should we handle this situation?"

Jan Faull, MEd, what should they do?

"You cannot leave this situation to chance. It's best to bring up the issue of premature and premarital sex, and voice your concerns. Talk of your hopes and dreams for your child's future."

'I hope you die a virgin.'

" . . . To forbid your daughter to have sex or to deny her contraception is naive. To think that you can watch your daughter and her boyfriend at all times is unrealistic. Teens are very skilled about finding a way to satisfy their sexual urges."

Crafty little buggers.

"Let her know the message her clothing conveys; it suggests she's interested in revealing her body and possibly satisfying her sexual desires."

Mom: Honey, I'm concerned about the message your clothing conveys. Do you realize that it suggests you're interested in revealing your body and . . . [*looks around, then continues sotto voce*] possibly even satisfying your sexual desires?

Daughter: No shit, mom.

"Telling a sexually interested or active teenager to not engage in sexual activity is like shoveling sand against the adolescent tide."

Therefore, the only solution is to actually bury them in sand.

" . . . Despite the need to open up dialogue with your daughter about her clothes and public displays of affection, it's important to let her know that you love her no matter what."

You know, despite her brazen harlotry.

" . . . Proceed with love and determination to make your points regardless of how you fear your daughter will respond.

Unless she's been brandishing a revolver and getting murderous glints in her eye whenever you come near her. Then it's probably best to leave it.

Tomorrow: What to do if you suspect your child of-- *gasp!*-- partying.


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