December 03, 2004

Career Advice

From Netscape Men: Top 10 Jobs For Picking Up Women

This is perhaps one of the most vile and offensive 'love advice' articles I have ever read. Read on, if you dare...

"I've compiled a list of the careers that provide the best social perks. Not included are those of divorce lawyer and marriage counselor, since these jobs are in a league of their own for meeting and picking up women."

Christ, are you really that sleazy? Why not throw in 'rape counsellor' and go for the triple-whammy?

So, those top ten jobs:

"Personal Trainer: If you're a trainer at a health club, presumably you're lean and buff, so the ladies will already like what they see . . . Throw in the fact that much of your work involves hands-on training, and you're halfway there."

That's right, guys: the secret to 'picking up' women is just to get a job where you can feel them up without having to worry about any of that fussy 'dinner and a movie' crap.

"Airplane pilot: the ladies love a man in uniform . . ."

Like a janitor!

"Fashion designer: You'll likely be one of the few straight guys in attendance."

And girls love it when you pursue a field you have absolutely no interest in just because you think you might be able to get laid.

"Lifeguard: You get to see [girls] in all their glory, spread out in bikinis and thongs. That way you can check out the merchandise before you decide whether or not to take the plunge."

Listen closely. That sound you hear is Germaine Greer's head exploding.

"Actor: As an actor, you'll spend plenty of time in drama classes and performing in plays with actresses."

Also, as a data analyst, you'll spend plenty of time analyzing data with female data analysts. Think about it.

"Dance instructor: You'll be grinding to the beat up-close, which could lead to plenty of late-night private lessons.

The runner-up is teaching a cooking or wine appreciation class. Your knowledge of high culture will score you instant points with your students, most of whom will be female."


Actually, I suspect that most of your students will be the same idiots who read these articles and are there trying to pick up women.

"Talent scout: Since picking up women is a numbers game, you're bound to end up on the receiving end of some private lingerie modeling shows."

You're BOUND to. It's in the talent scout's contract.

"Doctor: It gives you plenty of face time with single women who may be visiting a sick friend or family member."

They'll be so overcome with grief, they'll let you come all over them! Jesus.

"Bartender: Even a bartender who's not especially cool can still score big points with the ladies, just by serving them some strong cocktails . . . The runner-up jobs are waiter and bouncer -- both also well situated within proximity of plenty of drunk women."

My GOD! It just keeps getting worse and worse! Where are you writing this? Prison?

"Singles resort employee: No need to worry about commitment, either. Just when things are getting serious, the girls are on their way home, making room for a fresh incoming batch of beauties."

Congratulations, you are officially the biggest slimeball in the world.

[Fin.]

1 Comments:

At 3/12/04 11:40, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would love to be a pilot... think of the air hosteses... lovin the 'cockpit' and the 'black box'! know what i am sayin!

 

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