December 07, 2004

Colgate to Cut Jobs, Tooth Decay

From BBC NEWS | Business:

"Toothpaste maker Colgate-Palmolive is to cut 4,440 jobs and shut a third of its 78 factories worldwide in a bid to boost profits."

CEO Reuben Mark brushed off concerns, reminding investors that any good business should replace its staff every three months or so. He added that, although the restructuring would cost the firm in the short-term, long-term they would not suffer a significant floss.

"I'm really eager to get my teeth into this move," continued the CEO. "I'm going to squeeze every last bit of profit out of this company, starting at the bottom and rolling my way up. We're going to make a mint."

Mark's statement was seen as an attempt to plaque-ate worried investors, amidst claims of incisor trading; but the CEO claims the timing of the announcement was completely inci-dental.

Colgate's workers are bracing themselves for the impending lay-offs, sensing the cavity of the situation. Explained one employee: "there's nothing quite as whitening as the thought of losing your job."

And they say that the pun is the lowest form of wit...


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