February 26, 2005

Arrested Developments

From ABC News: Martha Stewart Leaves Prison Next Weekend:

"KATONAH, N.Y. Feb 25, 2005 — She will be able to return to work and start drawing her $900,000 salary again . . . Martha Stewart will also be wearing the must-have accessory for the convicted felon on the go: an electronic anklet that will allow authorities to monitor her movements . . .

Probation authorities will use the anklet and random phone calls to enforce the ban on going outside during non-working hours."

'Hi there-- is that Peter Smith of Detroit? I'm calling from the New York State Bureau of Probation... Do you think Martha Stewart is still observing the conditions of her house arrest? You do? Okay, thanks a lot.' [click]

'...And a large pepperoni. No, that's all. Yup... By the way, do you think Martha Stewart is still at home? Yeah? Okay, great. Thanks. And remember, if you're not here in half an hour my pizza's free.' [click]

'Hello, Mary Johnson? Mary Johnson of Sioux Falls, Iowa? I'm calling to see whether Martha Stewart is still under house arrest. What?! She's gone to K-Mart?! Dammit! I better get over there!' [click]

That would be the best job ever.


At 2/3/05 00:42, Anonymous Anonymous said...

*Furrowed brow; "Syncopated Clock" music in head*

Oh, I get it!


-Chris Dye


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