March 09, 2005

Crowing Pains

From BBC NEWS | Entertainment | Film: Actor Crowe was 'al-Qaeda target'

Apparently it's al-Qaeda-related joke week here at exBostonian...

Russell Crowe, Antipodean actor and all-round hunktastic dreamboat, has revealed that he was the target of a sinister al-Qaeda plot to take "iconographic Americans out of the picture as a sort of cultural-destablization plan".

The fiends!

What I think is interesting is the following: the FBI alerted Crowe that he might have been targeted sometime towards the end of 2000. Which means that at FBI HQ that day, there must have been a conversation like this:

Superior: What have you got for me today, Jenkins?
Jenkins: Well, sir, we've picked up two major threats from the terrorist chatter.
Superior: Okay, what are they?
Jenkins: Number one, we think they might be planning to kidnap Russell Crowe.
Superior: GOOD GOD! Why would they do something so dastardly?
Jenkins: We think they're trying to destabilize our culture by depriving us of our most iconographic celebrities.
Superior: Well, we'll show them! Jenkins, I want you to put all our man-power on this, right away. There's not going to be any culture-destabilizing on my watch.
Jenkins: Yes, sir. [Turns to leave the room]
Superior: Jenkins, wait! What was the other threat you mentioned?
Jenkins: Oh, just some crap about trying to fly planes into the World Trade Centre, something like that.
Superior: Jenkins, don't waste my time with this nonsense.
Jenkins: Sorry, sir.
Superior: Now get out there and find Russell Crowe, dammit! We haven't a moment to lose!

Sigh...

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