April 20, 2005

Department of Petulant Citizens

With the British election drawing near, fears have been expressed (as is the custom in modern democracies) about low voter turnout. Many people, it seems, are choosing not to vote, and are thus being labelled 'apathetic' by freedom-lovers everywhere.

But the charge of apathy, apparently, is a slander! A travesty! A besmirchment of the fine reputation of British voters! The site www.notapathetic.com (which, ironically enough, IS a pathetic dotcom) has been established to catalogue the real reasons that Britons are choosing not to vote. Apparently, it isn't so much apathy as it is stupidity.

For instance, take this individual:

"If Labour win with 40% of the vote on a 60% turnout (both of these are overstimates) they will have the support of less than a quarter of the adult population, this is bad democracy."

Well why don't you f**king vote, then, and raise the turnout?!?!

Then there's this fellow:

"No political party can truly represent the range of wants and need of the population."

...So let's not even try. I'm sure all the zealots who DO vote will elect a very reasonable candidate.

And the king of allegory:

"There's not enough difference between the parties. Voting feels like being asked to choose between Coke (the one in the red can) and Pepsi (the one in the blue can), when what I want is a cup of coffee, not a cola drink."

Look, mate, just drink the fucking cola, okay? Coffee's only going to stain your teeth and raise your blood pressure, anyway.

I also enjoy:

"Like Marx and other genuine democrats."


Go check it out. If nothing else it will remove any doubts you have about the British populace.


At 4/5/05 10:51, Blogger Confused as usual said...

Maybe the solution is to vote for whoever bombards you with the least irritating leaflets. I've been especially annoyed by computer-handwritten (if you see what I mean) 'letters' containing pleas from the candidates to make it look as if they are writing to you, their good friend, personally. One of these actually arrived in a genuinely handwritten envelope. What these people don't seem to realise is that, rather than giving the impression that they are your friends, they give the impression of people who are pretending to be your friends, but in fact aren't. Literature is full of examples of people who pretend to be people's friends (Brutus/Caesar, Iago/Othello, to pick the easiest Shakespearian examples) but in fact aren't. It never ends well. Thus these people are sowing in me the seeds of a hideous mistrust, directly opposed to their presumable intention. At this point, I'd vote for anyone who didn't cause me to swoop on the postman's leavings with cries of joy, thinking that I did have friends after all and that one of them had written to me, only to find that it was a monstrous attempt on the part of some election-related cretin to wrench at my emotional gut-strings for ulterior reasons of their own!

God, I'm all sweaty now.


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