April 19, 2005

Drinking on the Yob

The hot issue in British election coverage today is... binge drinking! (From the Beeb.)

Tory leader Michael Howard weighed in on the issue, criticising the Labour government's soft stance on the problem (and thus bringing the number of issues on which Labour are allegedly "soft" up to 50,039). The best solution to rowdy, drunken yobs, said Howard, is to subject them to the same sort of fear they cause in others. Mr Howard then stumbled over to a drunken yob and enquired whuhtha fuch he was looking at.

Mr Howard insisted he was not against people having a good time, as long as it didn't turn into a "nightmare" for others, and as long as it wasn't in any was socialist or homosexual.

Labour minister Hazel Blears responded to the Tories by calling their allegations "desperate stuff" (and thus bringing the number of issues on which the Tories are allegedly "desperate" up to 61,664). Said Blears, "Labour is already taking firm action on yobs and antisocial behaviour . . . Hear that? FIRM! Not soft! FIRM!!!!"

The LibDems also chimed in, but their policies sounded kind of ridiculous and nobody was really paying attention, anyway.

Only 16 days until the election.

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By the way, those of you who can't get enough of Conclave 2005 should check out the BBC's live 'Vaticam', which is providing 24-hour live coverage of the cardinals' chimney. (And that sounds way dirtier than I intended.)

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