June 07, 2005

A Giant Piece of Freedom

From Netscape News: 8-Inch French Fry Sold for Nearly $200

Mindy Marland, a bartender at the 'Checkered Flag Bar & Grill' (across from the Iowa 80 Truckstop) thought that it was just going to be another boring day. Little did she know that she was about to be flung into an exciting world of mystery and intrigue: the world of unusually large food items.

"A waitress was walking by and I saw [the eight-inch fry] sitting right on top of a plate she was getting ready to serve-- I was intrigued by it and took it off the plate," said Marland, reminiscing fondly. "Then I yelled 'finders, keepers!', punched the waitress in the face, and ran off."

Sensing an opportunity for a lucrative pay-off, Marland wasted no time auctioning off the giant fry on eBay. Before long, news of the Biblically proportioned foodstuff had been catapulted around the small but dedicated Oversized Potato Product Society. OPPS' members scrambled to the auction site, and one lucky buyer snagged the few grams of novelly-shaped tuber for a mere $197.50.

Marland has also contacted the Guinness Book of Records, after discovering that the largest fry previously on record was a paltry 6 and 3/4 inches long. Failing that, she is hoping to land the "Most Inane Story That The Associated Press Has Ever Covered" record, though the competition is, as you might imagine, fierce. Said an AP spokesman: "War in Iraq? What? We barely have time to cover boring stories like that anymore."

The fry-buyer remains anonymous, as do his/her intentions for the fry-- but rumours suggest that it will be used to make a sexually explicit Mr Potato-Head doll.

This is a far fry from good journalism.

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