June 08, 2005

OK, OK, Calm Down... Who's Trying to Steal Your Brain?

I got a new neighbour today. I didn't catch his real name, but to his friends he apparently goes by 'Crazy Yelling Drunk Guy'. He moved into the garden directly opposite my kitchen window this afternoon, along with his dog and a bottle of what looked suspiciously like White Lightning Cider-- though where he would have gotten such a thing is beyond me.

(White Lightning, for my non-Brit readers, is roughly equivalent in concept to Colt 45. It is a 7.5% alcoholic cider that, until very recently, sold in 3-litre bottles for the princely sum of £3, or around $5.50 US. Then somebody pointed out that three litres of White Lightning provides 22.5 alcoholic units, or more than the recommended weekly intake for an average woman-- so, in the interest of responsible drinking habits, the aptly-named 'Scottish Courage' brewery has made 2-litre bottles their largest available size.)

Anyway, Mr Drunk Guy decided to hang out outside my kitchen window for the afternoon, yelling at trees, yelling at his dog, yelling at nothing in particular, obstructing traffic (while yelling at it), dancing and yelling at the same time, collapsing with a dazed look on his face and then getting up after a few minutes to yell some more, and taking regular swigs from his giant plastic bottle.

I didn't really know what to do. I thought about calling the police, but that seemed like a terribly bourgeois thing to do, especially since he wasn't really doing anything particularly damaging to me or my building. So instead, I made lunch and did dishes, watching him sway to and fro, and trying not to make eye contact with him (passers-by who made eye contact with him got yelled at, predictably enough).

My favourite part was when he started jumping back and forth over a low garden wall, waving his arms around and yelling as he did so, until he looked so insanely smashed that his dog started barking at him in a "For Christ's sake, you're embarassing me!" kind of way.

Oh, the joys of urban life.


At 8/6/05 20:04, Blogger Sean said...

Wait - are you back in Edinburgh!?

At 8/6/05 20:14, Blogger Andrew said...

No-- that's why I was confused about the apparent White Lightning bottle. I get back next Wednesday, and rest assured, you will be among the first to hear from me. ;-)


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