July 30, 2005

This Is Where I Bore You With Holiday Snaps

My parents’ house is in a little town in the north of Sardinia, and looks like this:

As you can see, it is a house that could only look more Mediterranean if there was an old Italian man watching football on the porch. And as if that wasn't cool enough already, it's also about ten minutes walk from this beach:

Sadly, it doesn't always look this dramatic; these were taken late in the evening, on a day when the sea was too choppy to really swim in anyway. Most of the time, it's a sprawling field of beach umbrellas for as far as they eye can see. And underneath those umbrellas: Italians, the men all predictably dressed in very small Speedos, the women all predictably dressed in... very small Speedos. Topless sunbathing is about twice as common as you'd think, and at least five times as disturbing; disturbing in a way that is far more profound than European men in Speedos could ever be. This is what goes through my head on an Italian beach:

Good Lord, is that a breast? I— dear me, there's another. Well, it's okay, I'll just look the other way. Oh no. More. Boobs, everywhere! Help! What do I do, where do I look, what do I do? Look at the ground? Look at the sky? Look at the men? Put on sunglasses! Then it doesn't matter where you look. No! Don't put on sunglasses! Then they'll think you're trying to stare without being noticed! Boobs! BOOBS! AIIIEEEE!!

At this point I typically jump in the water and swim as far away as possible. Or read The Da Vinci Code, because as I understand it that's just what one does at the beach these days.

But apart from trying to avoid looking at boobs and bulging crotches, the beaches there were great. Warm, calm, and nothing but that clear, turquoise water that you see on postcards. Like this:

Sigh. Did I mention that in Edinburgh right now it's 14C and constantly drizzling?


At 31/7/05 09:34, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sigh. Did I mention that in Edinburgh right now it's 14C and constantly drizzling?

Trade you. Where I am it's going to be in the mid-30's all week. It hit 42 last week.


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