August 14, 2005

Department of Terrible Segues

Overheard on a radio documentary:

"Being Canadian, Oscar [Peterson] probably had no idea that, at the time of his American debut, there was a full-blown communist hunt going on in the USA.... [explanation of McCarthyism that seemed disturbingly dumbed down for Radio 4 on a Sunday evening]".

Right, because Canada is so well-insulated from US culture that news of goings-on south of the border rarely make it to mainstream Canadian consciousness.

I mean, what the hell kind of segue is that, anyway? Granted, coherently linking Oscar Peterson to McCarthyism is probably not the easiest thing in the world, but why would you write a documentary about Oscar Peterson and McCarthyism in the first place?

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Producer: I want to do a documentary series about the great jazz musicians of yore.

[pause]

BBC executive: The great jazz musicians of my what?
Producer: No, you know... The great jazz musicians of... yesteryear.
BBC executive: I see.
Producer: Also, I think that would be a good forum in which to discuss notable moments in American public hysteria.
BBC executive: Hold on, let me just take a sip of my brain-damaging juice, here...

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Man, somebody really needs to stop giving brain-damaging juice to those high-ranking media executives! (PS. How was that for a callback? Am I learning stuff from hanging around comedians all day, or what?)

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A particularly scatological show on at the Underbelly has decided that, to promote themselves, it would be a good idea to fashion a giant pile of fake poop out of papier mâché, place a speaker inside that giant pile of fake poop so that every ten or so seconds, it says "Hello, is there anybody out there?", and then leave the talking fake poop in the box office. Needless to say, this is hilarious for about ten or so seconds, so we took its batteries out. Besides, if any of the other performers had seen it, they would have complained that the talking poop was an unfair advantage to that show, and then we would have had a whole room full of talking poops (I'm not kidding— the performers actually walk around the venue counting posters to make sure they don't have less than anybody else. It's sophomoric. Much like talking poop).

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How hypocritical is it that I called this post 'Department of Terrible Segues' and then moved from topic to topic using nothing more than two dashes?

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The end.

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