September 12, 2005

Coming Soon, To Le Network Renard...

[Int. scene: RAYMOND lies in bed, asleep. SERGE enters]

SERGE: Salut, my friend! C'est un magnifique morning outside, pourquoi you are still in bed? Perhaps one of my trademark pithy remarques will cheer you up, hein?

RAYMOND: Merde, Serge! I was levé tres tard last night, arguing with mon frère.

SERGE: Pourquoi?

RAYMOND: He tried to rapé ma copine!

SERGE: He tried to grate her?

RAYMOND: Serge, s'il te plaît, I would like to sleep.

SERGE: But our girlfriends will be ici any minute!

RAYMOND: Maryse and Été? Elles are coming? What for?

[The door opens; MARYSE and ÉTÉ enter]

MARYSE: Raymond! Leve-toi! Something terrible s'est passé! My mère has noirposté the town council into giving her a building permit!

RAYMOND: Et alors? Why do I care?

MARYSE: Le permit is to build un McDo on top of our vineyard!

RAYMOND: Sacre-bleu! Our vin, it will be ruined!

ÉTÉ: And we will be forced to eat la nourriture americaine! La malbouffe is coming!

SERGE: Quel désastre! Il faut que we do something!

RAYMOND: Okay! I suggest we all put on our maillots de bain and cygne about on the beach for quelques heures.

MARYSE: What a brilliant ideé!

[The door swings open, and CHRISTINE stumbles in]

CHRISTINE: Serge, I have just finished my third bottle of wine.

SERGE: Oh, maman. Your drinking makes me so triste.

CHRISTINE: I'm sorry, Serge. I am trying to change.

SERGE: Pourquoi you cannot drink four or five bottles, like we normal people?

MARYSE: Vive la France! And vive les stéréotypes!



At 12/9/05 12:33, Anonymous alice said...

Last spring part of my French "studying" was watching Le Newport Beach. It was pretty awesome, almost as good as your version.


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