September 01, 2005

Jetlagged Blogging: Part of a Continuing Series

It was the Underbelly staff party last night. I was fully intending to go and have a relatively booze-free good time, considering I had to get up at 4:45am to go to the airport the next morning. Sadly, when people insist on handing me coupons for five free pints, my inner stingy Scot gets the better of me and I have an uncontrollable urge to get what’s coming to me, which I certainly did.

I arrived home about 4:15am, finished packing, and collapsed into bed for a fifteen minute nap. Then I went to the airport. Now, while getting up at 4:45am to go the airport is pretty unpleasant under any circumstances, as you might imagine, doing it during the transition from drunkeness to hangover— stale beer taste in your mouth and guts slopping from side to side— is particularly charming.

I slept most of the way to London, then staggered uncertainly to my connecting gate with an overpowering and insatiable urge to eat a bacon sandwich. Also, an urge to vomit.

Once back on the plane, I slept again for most of the flight to Montreal, awakening about an hour before we were scheduled to land. As the plane sunk into its final descent, that gentle, floating deceleration, it began to lurch from side to side in the wind and driving rain. All of a sudden, the engines roared and the plane shot upwards, as did the lunch of the people directly behind and in front of me. After an alarming period of silence, the captain tannoyed us to say that the wind shear was so great that they had been forced into an emergency ascent.

So, let’s recap: hungover, hadn’t slept in a bed since Monday night, plane un-landable, stench of barf pervading the cabin.

And then they diverted us to Toronto. My favourite part of the experience was the recorded message on the bus that ferried us from the plane to the terminal:

“The GTAA thanks you for choosing to make Toronto part of your travel plans today.”


In Toronto, at least, they were professional and very efficient, booking me back on to a second flight to Montreal just three hours later. So I diddled around in Pearson, was cruelly reintroduced to the weak Canadian dollar ($2.50 for a bottle of water?!?!), and got back on the plane around 5:30pm. That was fine, until we came into land in Montreal (...), at which point the captain informed us that during take-off the flight attendants had noticed a strange noise in the nose cone area, and they weren't absolutely sure the landing gear was working. "Just so you know," he said. Gee, thanks!

Thankfully, it did work, though we had to sit on the tarmac for fifteen minutes while they checked it after we landed. Anyway, after all this, I just wanted to fall into a taxi, pay the exorbitant airport flat fare, and get home as fast as I could— so I went to the ATM to take out some cash, and discovered that the bank had cancelled my debit card without telling me (or sending me a new one, I might add). At this point I curled up into a ball on the floor and sobbed quietly until somebody felt sorry for me and kicked me home.


Thanks to the wonders of browser history, at least half the Underbelly box office staff have become aware of my blog. Hello! Thank you for adding to the difficulty of choosing things to write about that are both interesting to and appropriate for an increasingly heterogenous readership. Also, pictures from the staff party are here. I have more which I haven't posted, so email me if you want 'em.


At 3/9/05 12:11, Anonymous Steph Welsford said...

Fortune favours the brave, Young Man in a Huff. I think that you should be THRILLED that us box office celebrities have entered the world of your blog. I fully expect to be entertained with each installment but there is, of course, no pressure.

Despite all of your horrors I need only one line to top your terrors:
School starts on Monday.

Steph ox

At 5/9/05 00:28, Blogger Andrew said...

I'm extremely impressed that an ox was able to type so legibly using its enormous hooves.


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