September 07, 2005

Researchers Agree: Drinking Causes Drunkenness

From HEALTH TALK with Dr. Bob Martin:

"In a new study, U.S. investigators found that students who said they started drinking by the 7th grade were more likely to say they had . . . sex while drunk."

Well, one would think so.

Oh, okay, I may have used some ellipses for humorous effect there. The actual story seems far less stupid:

"Kids who begin drinking in the 7th grade are more likely to engage in risky sexual behavior in mid-adolescence . . .

In a new study, U.S. investigators found that students who said they started drinking by the 7th grade were more likely to say they had unprotected sex, multiple partners, sex while drunk or high, or been pregnant.

In another related study, a group of researchers showed that middle-schoolers who binge drink -- downing at least 5 drinks on one occasion -- are more likely to binge drink in high school . . .

[S]tudents who said their parents did very little to control or supervise . . . were more likely to binge drink."


Now, God knows that a small army of sociology professors have spent years trying to enforce upon me the idea that even things that seem obvious in hindsight are only 'obvious' because we already know them... But uh, guys? If you leave kids unsupervised, they're going to get drunk and have sex. In fact, while you were so busy questioning all their classmates about their private lives, some kids just went and got drunk and had sex with each other. Oh no! There goes another group! Stop them! STOP THEM!

"[Study leader Dr Ann Stueve] explained that there are "many possible reasons" why drinking early in life could put kids at risk of later problems. For one, early drinkers may have problems at home or with friends, or feel peer pressure to do more grown-up things, she said."

Also, drinkers will occasionally get drunk. I think Dr Ann Stueve needs to get out more; a Saturday night at a night club should be enough to convince her that alcohol at pretty much any point in one's life will put one at risk of stupid behaviour.

OH DEAR GOD, THERE GO SOME MORE! Kids getting drunk and having sex, everywhere!

Just think: if Dr Ann Stueve took all the time and money she wasted working out if alcohol leads to risky sex, and I took all the time and money I wasted blogging, and we put it all together...

We could get really shit-faced.

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