December 20, 2005

Happy Freakin' Birthday

Gosh, I should really do this post-emotional-trauma, day-of-birthday, transatlantic travel thing more often. It's super fun.

A few highlights:

1. The steward distributing drinks along with the meal service walked all the way up the cabin asking everyone "Would you like something to drink?", got to me, looked me up and down, and said "Can I get you a glass of wine?" Wow, thanks, do I really look that bad?

2. The arm of my seat was devoid of a headphone jack-- and I mean, like, seriously fucking devoid of a headphone jack, as in there was just a giant gaping hole where there should have been a pile of electronics-- so I didn't get to listen to either of the inflight movies (though I did watch adoringly as George Clooney swanned around in Ocean's Eleven).

3. Not a single one of the gazillion airline employees who has examined my passport has wished me a happy birthday! I mean, dammit, is that too much to ask?

4. In addition to my usual, crampy flight legs, I also have a massively stiff neck from having to look out the window (into complete darkness, I might add) for an hour or two so that the person sitting next to me wouldn't see me trying not to cry.

5. Say, if this is the largest airport in the world, why the Goddamn hell isn't there more to do here? Three and a half hours is a long time to spend blogging, even by my standards. I am so bored I want to Heathrow up. Ha!

I'm sorry, I know I'm swearing a lot, and I do hate to complain about my personal life (it's a British thing), but fuck it all to hell, it's my birthday, and it's been pretty shitty so far, and I will bitch and moan if I damn well want to.

On the bright side, I did get a very nice and unexpected email from my cousin Eric in Australia, and bought myself a delicious Ploughmans sandwich (to celebrate being back in a country where people know what a Ploughmans sandwich is). Now, if I can just get myself through the next few hours, I can drink as much of my dad's espresso and my mum's wine as is necessary to make me feel awake and happy for the rest of the day.


At 20/12/05 05:10, Blogger Sean said...

Happy Birthday, Andrew. Can I take you out to food, or ice-cream, or beer, or something?

At 20/12/05 11:51, Anonymous Mariana said...


Here are some inspirational quotes for your birthday that were definitely not taken from Conan O'Brien's Year 2000 jokes.

In Andrew's 22nd year...

...Arabs and Jews will stop being enemies after an adorable six-year-old blond boy points out that they both enjoy many of the same foods.

...God at last reveals himself to humans, who are shocked and appalled by His really bad comb-over.

...Computers will finally be able to simulate human feelings. Unfortunately, the only one they choose to act on is "horny".

...It will be discovered that leprechauns are, in fact, real, but not, in fact, Irish.

OK! There you have it. Enjoy the beautiful city of your birth.

At 21/12/05 01:14, Anonymous dustin said...

Happy Birthday Andrew (again),

If it makes you feel any better, I had the most stressful and hectic day of my life on monday, and it made me feel sick and fearful. After a little friendly help and some time passed everything is looking much better.


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