January 12, 2006

...But the Truck Is In Critical Condition

From Netscape News: Boy OK After Truck Runs Over Head

You know, he's not great-- just OK.

"MICHIGAN CITY, Ind. (AP) - An 11-year-old boy had a lingering headache two days after a pickup truck ran over his head."

Yeah, that'll do it. But at least his headache isn't as bad as the one he had last year, when an anvil fell on his head while several sticks of dynamite were comically lodged in his mouth.

" 'He didn't look too worse for wear,' [the boy's grandfather] said. 'He was just saying he had a headache'. "

In fact, the boy was taken to hospital, where tests revealed a hairline skull fracture, a black eye, a laceration on his ear canal, and a severe case of "roadrash" on his neck and face.

I'm sorry, there is a specific medical term for what happens when you have your face crushed into gravel by a heavy weight? And, um, I don't know about anyone else, but doesn't "roadrash" seem like an awfully euphemistic way of saying it? It sounds less like a horrific, accidental injury, and more like, I don't know, acne. "Say, Bob, are you okay? What happened to your face?" "Oh, nothing, Herb, just the ol' roadrash flaring up again. Say, do you have any calamine lotion?"

Bob and Herb are my heroes.


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