January 04, 2006

Kongugal Visit

I just got back from seeing King Kong with my little brothers, and woooooooooowwwwwww...... What a CRAPFEST!

Okay, first of all, I fundamentally object to any movie in which cultural studies papers literally jump out of doorways and throw spears through your chest. If I am sitting in the movie theatre thinking about Orientalism, then you are doing something wrong, Peter Jackson, as I am patently not caught up in the magic of your storytelling.

And as if implicit racism isn't bad enough, what about Naomi 'telos' Watts, who is:

(a) The ONLY female character in the movie that gets more than ten seconds of screen time;
(b) Given about twenty lines of actual dialogue, and spends the rest of the movie making poorly disguised sex noises;
(c) Nothing more than a glorified trophy over which all the various male characters can beat their chest.

Second of all, it's not even a good damn movie! It is way too long, owing mostly to its attempts to include the entire casts of Jurassic Park, Starship Troopers, Pirates of the Caribbean, The Adventures of Huck Finn, and, of course, the Michael Crichton classic Congo. There's also a retarded subplot involving the stoic 'Captain Hayes' and the eager, inexperienced youngster, 'Jimmy' (yes, I swear to God there is an eager, inexperienced youngster named 'Jimmy') which takes up a good five or ten minutes of unnecessary screen time, and just one too many computer-generated fight scenes. I mean, jeez, if I wanted to see a giant gorilla wrestle with two Tyrannosauruses Rex, I would just surgically connect the imagination of a twelve-year-old boy to my optic nerves.

I really am turning into an old crankpot, aren't I?

6 Comments:

At 4/1/06 12:53, Blogger Sean said...

hahaha - andrew hates fun!

 
At 5/1/06 15:27, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Boy, i hated that movie too. I mean, a 25 foot tall gorilla? Whatever! That couldn't happen. We talked about gorillas in my biology class and they just can't get that big. It really distracted from my enjoyment of the movie.
Ken
PS. Neil Patrick Harris was in the film? Damn, i must have missed him.

 
At 5/1/06 17:11, Anonymous Adrienne said...

I saw it last night with Chris and Mariana. We laughed in all the inappropriate places. I'd have to say your review probably biased me a bit, but it made me more willing to laugh when I wasn't sure how to react. Mixed review from me.

 
At 6/1/06 10:11, Blogger Sean said...

Adrienne - Mixed review!? I was sure you were gonna love it, like me, and then you are Andrew were gonna wrestle over it. As I broke it down for him in the wee hours of yesterday morning, as our lovely travelling companion gritted her teeth - if you hate the movie you may have TASTE but you have no HEART, and vice-versa.

i would rather have a taste of tongue than a heart of stone! etc

 
At 6/1/06 11:24, Anonymous Mariana said...

As Adrienne said, I laughed quite a bit as well. I think I enjoyed the movie as a spectacle, as a good old-fashioned special effects bonanza, where the moving pictures show you a world you didn't know could exist. I *loved* old New York. I thought it was neat that Naomi Watts was a comedienne, and resorted to juggling when times got tough. General over-acting, and Jack Black didn't work for me (and I was rooting for him! I stand by comic actors who try to play it straight). Adrienne pointed out that Adrian Brody saved his character from being disgustingly cheesy.

What bother me was that the special effects took away from any semblance of cohesive story or emotional development, those things I've come to also look for in a movie. And the bugs, and dinosaurs, and dinosaurs, and bugs, they were so random and so cartoonish that I stopped caring. I may also have been biased by Andrew's review, granted. It would have benefitted from being shorter. The action scenes would have had more impact and suspense.

 
At 6/1/06 19:18, Blogger Andrew said...

Yes! I am biasing people! I have now achieved all my life's goals.

The thing that really bothered me about the CG stuff was that they CGed Naomi Watts' juggling!!! I mean, Christ, with that big a budget, they couldn't afford to hire a clown to actually teach her to juggle?

 

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