March 26, 2006

Fat Wha?!

From 6 Ways To Tell Your Girl To Lose Some Weight


Interestingly, this article is written by's "Relationship Correspondent," but I hope for the sake of all women that Chris Lumsdon is not and will never be in an actual relationship.

So, what are the six "craftiest" ways to tell a woman she's fat without making her stop sleeping with you?

1. "I don't like the way that outfit looks on you anymore". Essentially, tell her that her favourite outfit— her back-up plan, the one thing she knows she can always wear and feel comfortable in— looks bad. Then, once her self-confidence is completely destroyed, presto!, she'll barf herself thin.

2. "I can't get over how fat I feel." See, if you say that you feel fat, "she'll become fat-obsessed by osmosis". Because we all want the women we love to be fat-obsessed.

3. "Your friend isn't nearly as attractive since she gained that weight." Now, the beautiful thing about this one is, not only will it make it clear that you don't dig fat chicks, but it will also let her know that you think her friends are attractive! It's a win-win situation!

4. "I have a new female trainer at the gym." And we DO IT, every night, because she is SOOOO THIN!

5. "The saleswoman said it was for smaller women." Ipso facto, if it doesn't fit, your girlfriend must need to lose weight. And it won't fit, because the article specifically advises you to buy something "a couple of sizes out of her reach." A couple! Buddy, if you think your girlfriend is a COUPLE of sizes too big, you should not be allowed any element of control in the lives of other people.

6. "Let's help each other lose a couple of pounds?" Because your own health and fitness is only important insofar it can be used to bag skinny girls.

It doesn't seem fair that I'm single, while a world full of fat-obsessed douchebags have girlfriends.


At 26/3/06 18:40, Blogger Sean said...

hahaha, number four made me laugh.


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