April 23, 2006

Comedy Of Errors

From The Daily Telegraph (Sydney): Rape claim

...Which, by the way, is the most stolid and uninformative headline of the year, so far.

"A MAN who claims he mistakenly had sex with "the wrong woman" after entering a dark bedroom at the home of a Sydney magazine editor was yesterday committed to stand trial for rape.

Paul John Chappell, 31, was invited back to the editor's Bondi flat after they met during a night out."

However, Chappell was "pretty drunk" and the magazine editor refused to have sex with him. Chappell, undeterred, got up to use the bathroom and then returned for a second try; except, allegedly, that he became disoriented and stumbled into her flatmate's bedroom by mistake.

"He got into bed with the flatmate and initiated sex, allegedly believing she was the other woman.

The flatmate participated because she thought it was her own boyfriend who had come to bed after falling asleep in the lounge."

The flatmate had gone to bed around 2am, and "The next thing I remember was waking up to someone having sex with me… I assumed straight away that it was [my boyfriend]," she explained. "I mean, he's always trying to force himself on me while I'm asleep-- he's so romantic! And there's this other thing he does-- oh God, it's so sweet-- where if he wants oral sex he just kind of smiles at me and pushes my head towards his crotch. Swoon."

"To her dismay, she later turned on the light and realised it was Chappell, not her boyfriend, in the bed.

'I was totally gutted…' she said."

Ha! I love Australian slang's capacity to make everything sound like only a minor inconvenience: "What's that, mate? You were just backing out of your driveway and ran over your ninety-year old grandmother, and she was taking her crippled puppy for a walk and let go of the leash and it hopped out into the main road and a schoolbus swerved to avoid it and crashed into a ditch killing everyone inside except for the one suicidal kid who actually wanted to die? Strewth!"

The woman, hysterical, ran out of the room, waking up the rest of the house and forcing Chappell out the door. A date will be set for his trial next week, although the judge in charge of the case admitted it "may well be a difficult case for the prosecution… The defence team already has a strong line-up of expert witnesses, including one 'Mr Party' of Montreal, Canada."


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