May 03, 2006


As some of you may know, I'm in Florida this week, and am thus being forced to slog around online using a very old school 48kpbs connection on AOL, complete with modem hisses and everything. And because it's AOL, I have a whole new goldmine of funny headlines to screen capture:

That pinko Democrat bastard! He drank them all, didn't he?

The reason I'm down here is to clear all our personal effects out of my grandparents' old house so that my mother can finally sell it. It's been simultaneously very time consuming and very interesting, because my grandfather was one of those people who never threw anything away-- I've found stacks and stacks of used, empty envelopes, medical supplies from the Fifties (including some bizarre liquid called 'Alkalol', which I assume has something to do with hearing very funny jokes over the internet), and what seems like every letter he ever received. But the real gems, my favourite discoveries so far, are the following:

•A stack of old X-rays (of whom, I have no idea).
•A certificate of appreciation from the NAACP, made out to my mother for her efforts in ending 'barriers to racial freedom in the United States'.
•Some Canadian tax forms from 1998 (WHY?! My grandparents never lived in Canada!)
•Two envelopes full of old banknotes from Communist Russia-- they're all dated 1919 and have 'Workers Of The World, Unite!' printed in five different languages on them. It is wild.

Tomorrow I'm driving to Tampa to visit Adrienne; but Conversations With Greatness will appear, as usual, on Friday.


At 3/5/06 19:20, Anonymous Stretch said...

You think you had trouble getting Maryam across the border, just try taking one of those dollars.
ps. still no mail

At 4/5/06 13:48, Blogger alice said...

You know, you can actually still buy Alkalol--my aunt has loads of it in the basement! She says it's great for the sinuses, and wants to know if yours is still in a glass bottle, because now it comes in plastic.

At 4/5/06 20:10, Blogger Andrew said...

I think it was a plastic bottle, actually-- but, honestly, at that point I was still wondering about the tax forms, so I wasn't really paying much attention.


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